Real, live Mitbangs.

So far I feel a little like I'm wearing a wig, and I possibly look even younger than I already did, but I am loving it. One step closer to the Chrissie Hynde goal. And also proof that Mitbangs are a thing of reality.

I haven't had bangs like this since I was a little kid, as you will now see below:


Enjoying pb&j on the old totally Cosby Brooklyn stoop! The beret is my mom's influence, I take no responsibility for her fashion choices. But there are the early Mitbangs, nicely offset by large plastic 80s kids' glasses.


I will, however, give Mom accolades until the end of time for this Halloween costume. She sacrificed her own pants and shirt and PAINTED them and the whole nine. No one knows it but my mom is an incredible artist. For my 4th birthday I had a bunch of preschool kids over to our apartment and my mom made a beanbag toss herself - she painted Cookie Monster on it and the hole was his open mouth, then she made the beanbags and decorated them to look like chocolate chip cookies. Word. Anyway, Mitbangs peeping out from under the buffoon hat.


More of my mom's genius: For reasons I never bothered to question (I was 3), I had the enormous master bedroom in our BK apartment. I'm talking huge. Mom helped me take a big box (get an idea of the scale from the fact that this is 3-year-old me STANDING in it) from some large appliance and decorate it to look like a house. It had painted flowerboxes and a door handle and everything, it was so sweet. That was probably the one thing I was devastated about leaving when we moved to Jersey.


Check out my road rage face and then look a little closer to my Mitbangs totally static clung to the top of the car.


Oh Mom and Dad, you're so clever! You made it look like I was a 2-year-old drinking beer! They were the first ever to execute that joke. No parents before mine had this idea. And there's the earliest documented incarnation of Mitbangs.

The great thing about being poor is

you gotta have roommates. One of mine is my dear dear college friend Zach. Our friendship consists entirely - without exception - of spontaneous and uncannily synchronized singing of pop songs, and Nacho Libre impressions. When we're hanging out on the futon things like the following video happen.




Things to know:
-I was wearing a set of felt flower goggles that my friend Priya brought me from London as a gift two visits ago.
-I was knitting when Zachary brought the computer over, so I kept knitting.
-When we both jump and then crack up, it's because our roommate Matt arrived home to this scene and we were momentarily hilariously embarrassed.

If only for Ricky Gervais giving himself boobies.

My own life of befores and afters.

Since I'm always showing other folks, I thought it might be fair to chronicle the hair phases I've been through over the last 24 years. Every one of these haircuts/colors I've given myself, except for the two which I make note of.


Prom. Did it myself y'all.



Shiny little bob, freshman year. And totally loving that bottle of Arbor Mist.


20th birthday.


Looking sorority-worthy junior year in college, with highlights aplenty. For the record, I did not pledge a sorority.


A perm! And lazy eye?


Almost blonde. And drunk!


That flag is an Italian peace flag my folks brought back from Italy and hung from the porch. When I said, "You know people are going to think you mean gay pride, right?" they replied, "We enjoy the double entendre." Short, dyed black with some red in front.


OK it's a wig, but I've worn it for 3 Halloweens so it counts.



Black with neon pink in front and back after my first attempt at an at-home bleach job. Thank god it worked; now that I know what I know about bleach it's a miracle I didn't burn all my hairs off.


Back to black and short. And a lip ring.

When I took a chance on letting a professional cut my hair for the first time in years and wound up with about one inch of it left on my head. Looks sort of sleek and daring from the side, but from the front there was a giant Dumbo ear situation. This photo right here is precisely why I do extensive consultations with everyone who sits in my chair and there is an ongoing dialogue as I cut to make sure you don't walk out with something you're gonna cry about.


A pixie bangs/headband phase.


My best friend Michelle holding a turkey.


Rocked a real live mullet. And LOVED IT.


Finally, last December around my birthday I got a professional cut again, and it was awful AGAIN.


I've since been growing it out, with the final goal of this. Chrissie Hynde. The end.

vlad and boris from russia proclaim their love for sarah

So come on all you hot fans!

Another Sunday, another football viewing on Jeff's beautiful television. This time there was something else to watch, almost as entertaining. The small Virgil, Jeff's cat:


NFL Virgil, nesting.


NFL Virgil, floor lounging.



NFL Virgil, trying to escape out the window.

Hairs!

Last night after school I did THREE haircuts at my place. Three! Eight hours of hair at school, then 3 more hours of hair at home. I was done at 9pm, collapsed into the futon and ate some Cuban takeout with my roommate Zach, re-watched some of last week's SNL (the sketch with Kristen Wiig saying, "Ohhhhhh myyyyyy gaaaaaaad..." and freaking out about a surprise) and went to bed. But it was a really fun evening and everybody's hair came out super. Of course, as always, I forgot to take before and after pictures, and one of the girls emailed me today with a shot she took of herself last night after leaving my place because she liked it so much! The back is the impressive part, cause it's a really beautiful layered bob, but the front looks good too and I gave her those bangs, so here it is:


Such a great time, especially because I didn't know her - she was a referral from a friend - and compounded with that, she'd had iffy experiences with hair stylists and was nervous to let a new person do her hair, much less a student, not in a professional setting! So I was happy that I could pull it out and give her a real stunner of a cut. Plus she tipped me in wine and two skin products from her company. The other one tipped me in large bottles of beer.

Keep it coming, kids! Come on over, it'll be fun, and cheap, and alcoholic if that's what you're in the mood for.

Here's the SNL video in case you missed it:

Dress your family in corduroy and shit with broken glass in it.

In this weekend's New Yorker, my favorite "This American Life" alum, David Sedaris, aired his sentiment about undecided voters:

"I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?' she asks. 'Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?' To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

The Traditional Definition of Marriage:

The union of one unwilling teenage boy and one unwilling pregnant teenage girl. Amen.

Yes.

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

I caught you a delicious Bass.

Tonight is my roommate Matt's birthday and I bought him some lovely (and usually quite expensive) Aveda products. I get a student discount. Zachary told me I should incorporate aluminum foil into my wrapping, so I did:


I was inspired as I went along to attach the two smaller items to the larger one. Remember Conjoined Twin Myslexia from South Park?


Haha! We had a good laugh over here.

Just for reference, definitively:

Chipped beef proof.

I really ate it y'all.


And liked it!


Wendy and I made a 711 run - there are definitely a handful of Redskins fans down there.


I was amused to see that at the coffee area there was this political advertisement - mostly a ploy to buy a larger cup of coffee since the smaller ones didn't come in McCain/Obama colors.


And then it appeared that there weren't any Obama cups! Only McCain! Alright so a minute later Wendy saw that there were indeed Obama cups available on the other side of the coffee thingy. But I would have hollered conspiracy if only the McCain coffees were up for grabs!

Gotta get the photos off Wendy's camera of me up in a tree. I didn't get very high up but I was skeptical about even managing to haul my ass up to the first branch, so once I got up there I called it a day. Wendy was generous and took a couple shots that made it look like I'd climbed higher. She on the other hand monkeyed her way pretty far up. I'll post those shots soon.


The weekend prior we were at Jeff's again for football. This is Jeff's cat Virgil and this is how he sleeps.

And now a before/after installment:

I have been scared of older lady hair since starting school. This woman was assigned to me and I had a pang of fear but she was nice and patient and I realized that doing highlights on older lady hair is no different than on younger lady hair. I don't know what it was that made me think it would be, but older women make me nervous I guess because I always expect them to be mean, or impatient, or demanding, or any combination of the three. I mean, if my Upper East Side grandmother came in and was assigned to me as a client she'd be terrifying. And that is how I plan to be when I'm a senior citizen. I'm gonna get my dang senior discounts on EVERYTHING and I'm going to be an asshole to the waitstaff and give handfulls of pennies to trick-or-treaters. So anyhoo here's this lovely woman before.


She'd been given a partial head of highlights 3 months prior and needed a retouch.


After! I gave her the older lady blowdry she wanted - those bangs weren't my idea - but you can see the little blonde accents I added around her temples. She wanted to be lighter around her face because she said it made her look younger, but she's got a face like my mom that's happy and youthful so she doesn't need it.


She tipped me $15 so she can have all the blonde highlights she damn well pleases.

Watch the debate tonight!

My dad tipped me off to this comment that was written in response to the Rolling Stone profile of McCain:

How Racism Works

What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said 'I do' to?
What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama were a member of the Keating-5*?
* The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.

What if McCain were a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers wou ld be as close as they are?

This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

PS: What if Barack Obama had an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter....

You are The Boss... which team would you hire?

With America facing historic debt, 2 wars, stumbling health care, a weakened dollar, all-time high prison population, mortgage crises, bank foreclosures, etc:

Educational Background:
Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna CumLaude

Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna

Well, shit on a shingle!

I'm going to get that into circulation as a new exclamation.

In other words, I had creamed chipped beef for the first time this weekend. Shit on a shingle is the name for the dish that originated in the army when it was served in mess halls (so Wikipedia informed me), but as an actual southern comfort food people apparently are in love with it. I'd never even heard of it until a few months ago when Wendy told me it was a staple at the breakfast table growing up and she couldn't believe I'd never had it. Her description was...almost enticing: small pieces of salty, cured beef cooked into a rue-type sauce/gravy and then served up atop a couple pieces of white toast. Determined to uncover the mystery of this fabled breakfast I did some internet research and came up empty. Not one restaurant in the whole of New York City appeared to offer Wendy's delicacy! I was in disbelief and figured I was just doing a poor research job until finally I stumbled upon a New York Times blurb written by the food editor answering a request from a reader for the very same thing. He said, in almost as many words, "You can't find it in NYC, no way no how." Once the Times said the nay-no I gave up.

Pictures to come in a couple days hopefully - I was down there for the weekend meeting some of Wendy's fam and snapped several other fun shots. I climbed a tree for the first time in my life, people.

Love, Carotime

so a hockey mom walks into the arena...

Cross-posted at Dailykos

this made my entire month

Ira Glass for President!

Remember This American Life? The NPR radio show that introduced the world to the original hipster, Ira Glass and wonderful authors like David Sedaris? Well, every so often when I'm cleaning my apartment on the weekends I'll go onto the website and listen to several full episodes in a row to catch up. They're engaging, humorous, touching, and informative.

Recently the show produced two episodes about the economic crisis and they are so comprehensive in explaining exactly, in simple terms, what happened and why. It's immensely helpful and I really hope that you all listen:

The Giant Pool of Money
Another Frightening Show About the Economy

Olbermann does Palin good

Here's an actual working version:



I'm hoping I can make my neighbor from Wasilla sit through the whole thing! Not holding my breath though.

I hope I don't catch West Nile.

Has anyone else been getting eaten alive by mosquitoes these last few weeks? What's going on, they're angry that it's getting cold and they're dying and trying to stay alive by attacking me every other day? I mean, I'm delicious so it's no surprise, but come on. They keep going for the face and neck and it's making me look like I'm diseased. Two weeks ago one got my EYELID which was swollen shut for a couple days, and now one got my neck so I've got this goiter-looking thing happening. It's fun, because when I have clients I'm scratching myself like I have fleas.

Now I'm off to crane my neck and balance two mirrors in my bathroom to try to give myself a trim like always.

And I'm back! It came out good. You'll see just how good if you come over for a haircut.

Love,
Caroline

P.S. - Emily (my girl over at one of my favorite blogs, Gynomite!) tipped me off to this today and it is brilliant: http://gawker.com/5060018/google-will-curb-your-drunk-e+mails

But, she did so much better than expected!

A few succinct issues about the debate, and then tomorrow back to hair, I promise:

Palin’s claim that McCain two years ago warned about an economic crisis was totally exaggerated. In an interview in November 2007, McCain admitted he was clueless about the economic disaster: “So, I’d like to tell you that I did anticipate it, but I have to give you straight talk, I did not.”

Palin said, “Darn right we we need tax relief.” As I've said, McCain’s health care plan flat out increases taxes on the middle class. Palin also said she and her husband have been in the middle class their whole lives, but the AP reported yesterday that if you “add up the couple’s 2007 income and the estimated value of their property and investments and they appear to be worth at least $1.2 million."

Palin said global warming is, in part, caused by human activity. In part! What's the other part, the 4 horsemen of the effing apocalypse? Meanwhile in an interview with Newsmax, Palin said, “I’m not one though who would attribute it to being man-made.” This time around she was only slightly more coherent than her last shot:

She also mentioned “clean, green natural gas.” Natural gas, like all fossil fuels, stomps a huge footprint into the environment. Natural gas produces 18.6% of greenhouse gas emissions in the US.

Palin said Obama voted against funding for the troops, but FactCheck.org says “that’s hardly the whole story.” In April 2007, Democrats added a “non-binding call to withdraw” to a troop funding measure. “McCain (who was absent for the vote) urged the president to veto that funding measure, because of the withdrawal language. President Bush did veto it, and McCain applauded Bush’s veto. Based on those facts, it would be literally true to say that 'McCain urged a veto of funding for our troops.'"

Palin said education “needs to be ramped up in terms of funding.” But last week McCain proposed a spending freeze in all discretionary federal spending! That allows inflation to cut funding for Head Start by over $968 million, cut $1.7 billion from community learning centers, and cut $3.7 billion from career and technical education grants. So...guess no "ramping" huh?

And finally, despite repeatedly criticizing Biden for looking backward tonight, Palin closed the night with a quote from President Reagan.

A shining bouffant beacon of tolerance.

Watching the debate right now; Palin just accused Biden of referring to off-shore drilling as "raping" the region. I wish he'd changed the subject like Palin has been (she's more or less constantly said, "I know you just asked me a question but I'm going to talk about whatever I want to right now") and said, "Oh you want to talk rape? Ok Sarah, how about you charge the Earth for it's own rape exam like you do the rape victims of Wasilla, eh?"

Also, as I was typing they moved on to gay marriage/civil unions and Palin pointedly referred to her feelings toward adults' "lifestyle choices" as tolerance numerous times. Pardon me in advance: I don't want to be tolerated, you effing bigot.

You betcha!

It's really fall today, isn't it? I wore a scarf for the first time this morning, so it's official, and I'm a very happy girl. I do love scarf season.

I won't talk about politics, don't give me that look, all I'll say is the VP debate is tonight at 9pm and I hope you'll all watch. Here's Letterman's latest Top Ten:

"Top Ten Things Overheard at Sarah Palin's Debate Camp"
#10: “Let’s practice your bewildered silence”
#9: “Can you try saying ‘Yes’ instead of ‘You betcha’?”
#8: "Hey, I can see Mexico from here!”
#7: “Maybe we’ll get lucky and there won’t be any questions about Iraq, taxes, or health care”
#6: “We’re screwed!”
#5: “Can I just use that lipstick-pit bull thing again?”
#4: “We have to wrap it up for the day — McCain eats dinner at 4:30″
#3: “Can we get Congress to bail us out of this debate?”
#2: “John Edwards wants to know if you’d like some private tutoring in his van”
#1: “Any way we can just get Tina Fey to do it?”

And also, I'm sorry but this is really funny.

Things you can give me for my services.

In my first post I mentioned that in addition to straight payment I'd be open to interesting trades and, as my lovely Pillows for the People friend suggested I'd like to offer a sample list:
- six pack of Bud Light
- a delicious sandwich
- a pie that you've baked yourself, or other baked good so long as there are no bananas in it
- a crafty item you've made, if you're crafty
- an item of clothing or shoes you don't want anymore that I might like (clothes size 4 on top and 6 on bottom, shoes size 10. I have clown feet.)
- a mix cd of music that I don't know

Now for some befores and afters. This first girl was a random client, not someone I knew. Came in for a full head of highlights and then freaked out that the highlights were (spoiler alert!) significantly lighter than the rest of her hair! For reference, people, when you ask for highlights that means the pieces of hair the stylist slices through with that fancy metal comb are getting brushed with bleach. Bleach takes pigment out of hair. And that is a highlight. I calmed her down and convinced her that the overriding color was still red and she left happy. And frankly, look how much effing hair she has! Doing a full head of highlights means over an hour of weaving 1/8" sections of hair at a time and I did a killer job in really good time.

She at least humored me and did a frowny face for her before shot.


Before.


Still before.


After! See, it's still totally red. She was about to go to the beach and asked that I not fully blowdry her hair since it would be a waste, which was a slight bummer because it makes it harder to see the highlights than if I'd blown it out straight, but you get the idea. And that happy smile was hard-won.


After.


Aaaaaand after. Love that faux beach hair.


My old buddy came over to my place for a nice short 'do for his corporate job and on the way to it I gave him a mullet.


Post-mullet.


What happens when there aren't any clients at school for too long.

We each have these mannequin heads to practice things on and they are all named Deborah. My Debbie is to John's left, with the Kiss inspired facial art.